Paper Chase Blues

In the "adoption world" the part of the process in which potential adoptive parents (PAPs) are gathering their needed paperwork and signatures and such is fondly referred to as the Paper Chase.

Today I am having Paper Chase Blues. :(

And someone has to be to blame for this, so I have chosen Pat's doctor. After all, it is his signature on a piece of paper that we waiting for and that is currently holding us up. The ONLY document that I am waiting for to move onto the next step. (imagine me saying that with my teeth clenched)

Where did this come from?
I am on a Yahoo group that is for families with my agency only. I really enjoy the group. Lately there have been many families receiving their referrals (of a specific child) from our agency, remember all families that were in the "paper chase" were encouraged to hurry things along. It is nice too see all the referrals and they post pictures and birthdays...orphanges....But today, I just felt like the kid that was missing out. Everyone else gets a baby but us!! (imagne me pouting and stomping one foot) >:(
All my irrational thinking kicks in. Like, we will finally get our documents in and they "ran out of babies". "Sorry Kerry & Pat, no more babies".
This whole process is very surreal. Some days, I actually do feel that it will never happen. truly. I will just keep talking about it and blogging about it....then eventually I just won't any more. The End.

You know, when I was pregnant I could feel the progress. Eventually, everyone else could see the progress. This time I get a gold seal from the state of NH on our marriage certificate. I went to Concord, NH today to get our marriage cert. notarized at the Vital Records office, then on to the State House to have an apostille (state gold seal) slapped on it. One document down....about 25 more to go in Boston. But let me point out, once again, that I can't do that untill I get the medical certificate from Pat's doctor! (again, clenched teeth)

I have (until today) believed that everything happens for a reason. We will get our referral when we are "suppose" to. For the baby that is "meant" for our family. Today, I am closing my eyes and trying to remind myself of this. But with each new referral picture posted, and those little faces that melt my heart. As I was griping to Pat about this tonight, my irrational thinking kicked in. I was showing him the most recent referral photos and saying :"that could have been our baby!"


To "comfort" myself I bought sommy yummy cookies from the bakery section of the store...you know the ones that are almost cake-like and have frosting and jimmies on them. I try to brush the jimmies off though. Oh, I just Googled frosted cookies and actually found 1 pic of the cookies.

Of course....the cookies didn't really make me feel better...and to make me feel worse this caption was under the above pic: "Frosted Cookies are Junk Food loaded with Sugar and Unhealthy Fat". no kidding....but all that sugar was what was suppose to make me feel better.